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It was the first week of Advent on the November-December cusp in and the good father urged me to meet up and come along to Mass with him that same evening. I said yes. The chanting was far more akin to raga scales than Western liturgical music.

At the end, staring around randomly, I noticed standing aloof in the rear corner of the sanctuary a sanyasi a Hindu renunciate. He wore an orange robe, but had a markedly pale complexion. I turned to thank Father Panikkar who was striding back towards me from the front pew. Swamiji and I agreed to meet the next morning. I remember a fitful night of sleep, since I felt a bit overwhelmed that this obviously respected European renunciate would be devoting a day to me. What did I want and what would he expect of me, a quasi-Catholic, intellectually and, most of all, spiritually?

I knew nothing about Swamiji prior to that fateful night. I truly was an innocent. I was near certain that the spiritual side of my youthful quest in coming to India was about to begin. That was an intense and energizing prospect for me. By the end of those days, that was a fact acknowledged by both of us. He challenged me to live in the world and find a place to lead, all the while informed by a developed spirituality. In other words, I should maintain an ability, through meditation, prayer, and contemplation, to make non-dual consciousness a kind of still point of my turning world and bring that peace and perspective into relationships in the mundane world.

In my experience, he was an astute observer of personality and character. I remember little about the backdrop of the three days Swamiji and I spent together wandering the ghats, the steps leading down to Mother Ganges that define Banaras.

We spent long hours together; there must have been times for eating and arrangements to meet in the mornings. A place symbolizing shedding of the outer skin of the body and mundane states of mind. He cautioned me against becoming involved in the Church. While he did not discourage ritual devotion celebrating mythical archetypes, he underlined that this stage was but a rung on the ladder of dualism, and not the highest one at that.

I remonstrated with him, saying that a path, whether meditative or ritual, was important and that I was not so advanced in my inner vision, in the ability to transcend ego and subject-object experience at will. Ironically for a Westerner, I had heard of the former, but not the latter. What they both had in common was a kind of panentheist, non-dualist sensibility and a strong admonition about the limits of dualistic worshipper-worshipped deity-celebration through ritual.

It may have been a very individual recommendation. He perceived most clearly that he was dealing with a person of worldly destiny with perhaps a strong spiritual urge, not a potential sannyasin. He encouraged me with quite a few words about the sacrifice of public service, doing good for others. Wisely taking into account both my mixed personal cultural background and my obvious ease in India, he perceptively suggested a cross-cultural career of bringing people together in endeavor and understanding.

The teleology of his words in those three days, after 45 years as a diplomat and social activist, takes my breath away and makes me bow in gratitude to Swamiji to this day. Both these insights he shared pointedly in the final hours of the time we spent together at Manikarnika Ghat. But there was another aspect of our dialogue during those three days, one that curiously established a kind of paradigm in my subsequent life.

However, when he discussed his role as a Christian missionary, he shared a sense of frustration and even a tinge of personal failure at his inability to attract Indian Catholics to meditative retreats where, as Catholics, they could deepen their meditation practice by using Hindu techniques.

The charge from Rome to do so weighed most heavily on him. I suspect that the relationship he modeled for me again and again was the reason that over the subsequent decades, especially after entering diplomatic service, my shoulders have been borrowed repeatedly by mentors and bosses to cry on. This is a role I have never consciously aspired to, but people seem to see that invitation in my presence. Then, perhaps, Panikkar passed on to Swami Abhishiktananda a papal directive to do so by welcoming Indian monks, nuns and priests to contemplative Hindu style retreats.

His role, if any, was unclear to me. I sensed from that first mention of his frustration walking along the ghats in Banaras, that the miniscule attendance of the Indian clergy and monastics at Shantivanam in particular weighed heavily on the good Swami—that he was building up a great sense of futility in the exercise.

Marc Chaduc started writing to Swamiji within eighteen months of my final goodbye to him in the spring of and from the reading I have done, I believe that Swami Abhishiktananda gave up his convening role at Shantivanam the next year, At any rate, those three days in Banaras were to change my life. Focusing on our mutual fascination with Mother Ganges, he enticed me to trek with him to Gangotri, the source of the venerated river and a sacred space above all others in all senses.

He parted for Uttarkashi and I diplomatically expressed the hope of joining him in Shantivanam in spring after my courses at the university had ended. Fate, however, played into our hands. The university went on a seemingly interminable strike around late January. I sent him a postcard announcing that I would seek him out in Uttarkashi in a few days. I embarked without waiting for his reply. He had been so definitive in wanting to do the pilgrimage together. He was good to his word and received me most warmly.

Our spiritual immersion in the Ganges was a common bond, and he seemed to want to do the trip I believe not his first in company. It was not to be. Within the first half day of our journey, I was arrested, this for being an American in the aftermath of the Indo-Pakistani war with the attendant paranoia about lingering spy plots. Swamiji asked if there was a permission I could obtain. The officer doused any hope of that short of a trip to New Delhi. So we retreated back to Uttarkashi where we contemplated largely in silence.

At his initiative we decided to head down to Rishikesh and Haridwar, two tirtha or holy places where pilgrims flocked for in some cases a once in a life-time pilgrimage to bathe in the Ganges. I think, quite honestly, he felt bad for me as I tried to deal with the rebuff with ironic humor coating my disappointment and exasperation. He had a monk he wanted to meet there and perceptively realized how rich an experience the trip would be for both my research and my spiritual development, he explained.

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